My problem

I'm tired, but can't get into sleep. Some bad feeling keep bothering in my mind.
I found that I'm bad in sociality, it's doesn't means I don't make friends, just I don't get used to it, may be I'm a lousy person from a lousy place...

Today I feel bad, I treat you as a friend, but I think you don't do the same to me, I feel like being fooled. I hate people who don't keep their promises, even just a minor minor thing, I'm always taking it so serious.

Or may be you don't take me as a friend, I'm just a 'backup' person?
How this 'backup' works? Like promise to have a dinner with me, but at the end everything is changed, is without asking me but just change the plan, and you think you don't hurt me just to ask me go along with your new plan, but I do get hurt. I feel bad, I feel hurt, but I can't do anything, just that I don't wish to see you feel bad as well. Why don't you just tell me that you will be busy, and cancel the dinner, then you go and find your own FRIENDS, since you care others people more than me.

I keep it, I get used to it, it's not the 1st time, but you never treasure that our friendship. I never speak that out, I'm feeling so sad that you never ever realize you are actually hurting me.

I don't ask any return from you, but just wish that you can keep your promise, I'm a guy but I have feeling as well.

I don't have alot friends, and I don't know who can I talk to, here the only place I can voice out some of my inside feeling. Tonight I really really feel hurt and bad that make me can't sleep at all... sigh....

I feel that we have less and less thing to talk, is that I'm going to expired in your list?